PLEASURE IS NOT A SIDE QUEST.

Solo masturbation carries no risk of pregnancy or of passing on a sexually transmissible infection. Mutual masturbation reduces STI risk compared with other kinds of sex, and like any sex it needs everyone’s consent.¹²

Sharing toys? Put a fresh condom on for each person, or clean them properly between users. In a small study, HPV was still found on some toys after standard cleaning, and more often on non-silicone material (40% of the soft-plastic toys that tested positive straight after cleaning were still positive 24 hours later, versus none of the silicone ones).¹³

When you know your own responses, it is easier to tell or show a partner what you want.¹²

"Directed masturbation" (structured, step-by-step self-exploration) is one of the standard tools in cognitive-behavioural therapy for women who find orgasm difficult, alongside sensate focus, sex education and communication skills.¹⁵

A meta-analysis of 20 randomised trials found psychological treatments for sexual difficulties work moderately well overall (effect size d = 0.58 for symptoms), with good evidence for female orgasm difficulties and low desire.¹⁴

In a survey of 3,687 women, those who masturbated reported a wider sexual repertoire and found arousal and orgasm easier. That is a link, not proof of cause.¹⁶

It helps men too: practising control during masturbation is one way people learn to manage premature ejaculation (see Healthy habits).¹¹⁷

Relaxation and stress relief are among the most common reasons people give. In a survey of 425 German women, the researchers concluded that for many women masturbation is less a "partner substitute" and more a way to relax and cope with stress.¹⁸

In lab studies, orgasm causes a brief spike in heart rate, blood pressure and adrenaline, then a rise in the hormone prolactin that lasts an hour or more. These studies are small (about 10 people each).⁵⁹¹¹

Health sites often credit "endorphins". When researchers measured beta-endorphin and cortisol in the blood during masturbation, they did not find a significant change. The relaxed feeling is real; the exact chemistry is still being worked out.¹⁵⁹

Not every finding is rosy. One review argued intercourse, not masturbation, is most consistently linked with better health measures, and found masturbation sometimes went with worse ones. The same review notes that few of these studies can show cause and effect: someone who is stressed or lonely may simply masturbate more.¹⁹

In an Australian-led online survey of 778 adults, people said orgasm through masturbation was followed by better sleep and falling asleep faster. This measured perceptions, not sleep itself.¹²

A 14-day diary study (159 people, 2,076 diary days) found partnered sex with orgasm was linked to falling asleep faster and sleeping better. Masturbation, with or without orgasm, showed no significant link in the daily data.²⁰

TIP If it helps you wind down, great. Just don’t let late sessions eat the sleep you need.

In two small lab studies (10 women each), vaginal self-stimulation raised pain thresholds. When it led to orgasm, the point where pain was first felt rose by 106.7% and pain tolerance by 74.6%, while ordinary touch sensitivity did not change.¹⁰

In a survey of headache-clinic patients, about a third of migraine patients had tried sexual activity during an attack: 60% of them said it helped and 33% said it made things worse. For cluster headache, 37% improved and 50% got worse. Only 38-48% of patients replied, and the question covered sexual activity in general, not masturbation specifically.²¹

Health services also list easing period cramps as a possible benefit. Lots of people report it, but we could not find controlled trials testing it.¹²

During orgasm the pelvic muscles contract in a regular rhythm. In a lab study of 11 women, anal and vaginal contractions were synchronised, and the gap between contractions grew by about 0.1 seconds with each one.⁸

Some health sites say masturbation tones the pelvic and anal muscles. That is plausible, but it has not been tested directly.²

Pelvic floor exercises do have evidence. In a randomised trial of 55 men with erectile dysfunction, 40% had normal erections again after six months of exercises taught by a physio, and a systematic review found pelvic floor training appears to help both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation (the studies were low to moderate quality).²²²³

For women, most of 8 randomised trials (1,341 women) found pelvic floor training improved at least one part of sexual function, mostly in women with pelvic floor problems. The reviewers say to read the results with caution.²⁴

The biggest study followed 31,925 US health professionals from 1992 to 2010, and 3,839 of them were diagnosed with prostate cancer. Men who reported 21 or more ejaculations a month had about a 19-22% lower risk than men who reported 4-7 (hazard ratio 0.81 for frequency in their 20s and 0.78 in their 40s). Every kind of ejaculation counted: sex, masturbation and wet dreams.²⁵²⁶

The lower risk showed up mainly for low-risk cancers. For high-risk and fatal prostate cancer there was no consistent link.²⁵

An Australian case-control study found men who averaged five or more ejaculations a week in their 20s had about a third lower odds of prostate cancer (odds ratio 0.66).²⁷

A 2018 meta-analysis of 22 studies (55,490 men, mostly case-control studies) found no straight-line "more is better" effect, but moderate frequency (2-4 times a week) was linked with slightly lower risk (odds ratio 0.91).²⁸

Why the caution? Men were remembering how often they ejaculated years earlier, and the study authors say the finding still needs to be confirmed by research into the biology behind it.²⁵

TIP Call it a nice bonus, not a replacement for talking to your GP about prostate checks.

Masturbation has been wrongly blamed for infertility, blindness, mental health problems, "sexual perversion" and reduced sexual function. None of it holds up.¹

It does not make hair grow in strange places, shrink your genitals or make you infertile.²

Testosterone and "no-fap": lab studies found testosterone in men did not change significantly around a masturbation orgasm. One small study of 10 men found somewhat higher testosterone after 3 weeks without ejaculating, but we found no good evidence that abstaining brings any health, strength or performance benefit.⁹²⁹

In Australia’s national sex survey (20,094 people aged 16-69), 72% of men and 42% of women had masturbated in the past year, and 51% of men and 24% of women in the past four weeks.³¹

More Australian women (21%) than men (15%) had used a sex toy in the past year.³¹

A relationship doesn’t stop it: 91.5% of women in a German study said they also masturbate when they are in a relationship.¹⁸

In a large US survey, men tended to masturbate more when they were having less sex than they wanted, while women tended to masturbate more when their sex lives were already active and happy. It can top up a sex life or round it out.³²³

Some people masturbate daily, some weekly, some rarely and some never, and all of that is normal. More than four times a week is not necessarily a problem.³²

It only becomes a concern when it gets in the way of work, responsibilities, relationships or social life, or when it is irritating your skin.³²¹

Not wanting to masturbate is completely fine too.²¹

For centuries masturbation was treated as a moral issue. In the 1700s medicine took it over and blamed it for all kinds of physical illness. By the 1800s many psychiatrists believed it could cause a specific kind of insanity, an idea pushed to the public by quacks selling cures.³⁰

Nineteenth-century doctors even listed it as a cause of epileptic seizures.³³

Those ideas were dropped long ago. Today government health services call masturbation common and healthy, and put lingering shame down to outdated social beliefs.¹³⁰

In two large US samples, feeling addicted to porn was strongly linked to morally disapproving of porn (correlations of 0.68 and 0.58). How much people actually watched showed no clear link with feeling addicted a year later (correlations of about 0.1).³⁴

Researchers call this moral incongruence: distress from acting against your own beliefs. A systematic review and meta-analysis built a model of porn-related problems around it.³⁵

The World Health Organization’s diagnostic manual says distress that comes only from moral judgements or disapproval about sex is not enough to diagnose a disorder.³⁶³⁷

If your upbringing or beliefs leave you feeling guilty, that is real and valid. A counsellor can help you work out what you actually believe, without judgement.²

The WHO defines sexual health as physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing in relation to sexuality, "not merely the absence of disease", and says it needs a positive, respectful approach and the possibility of pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.³⁸

The World Association for Sexual Health adopted a Declaration on Sexual Pleasure (proclaimed in 2019, ratified in 2021) built on self-determination, consent, safety, privacy and communication.³⁹

In Britain’s national survey, people who could not talk easily about sex with their partner were more than twice as likely to have low sexual function (odds ratios 2.36 for men and 2.82 for women).⁴⁰

A meta-analysis of 93 studies (38,499 people) found better sexual communication goes with higher relationship satisfaction (r = .37) and higher sexual satisfaction (r = .43).⁴¹

Culture matters: the link between talking and sexual satisfaction was weaker in countries with more gender inequality, and stronger in more individualistic ones.⁴¹

One of the stubbornest myths is that masturbation is only for men or people with a penis. Anyone, with any body, can choose to masturbate.¹

TIP LGBTIQ+ and want someone to talk to? QLife offers peer support and referrals (details in Get help).

In Britain’s national survey, 23.4% of men and 27.4% of women in a relationship reported an imbalance in how interested each partner was in sex.⁴⁰

In an Australian survey, only 46% of men and 58% of women were happy with how often they had sex. Unhappy men almost always wanted more; among unhappy women, two-thirds wanted more.⁴³

Desire discrepancy is one of the main reasons couples go to therapy.⁴²

Life stages matter. After a first baby, 39-59% of new mothers reported clinically low desire across the first year, and the gap with other couples narrowed by 12 months.⁴⁴

Australians in heterosexual relationships report sex 1.44 times a week on average, and most report high physical pleasure and emotional satisfaction.⁴⁵

Across three studies (30,645 people), well-being rose with how often couples had sex up to about once a week and then levelled off. The studies show a link, not cause and effect.⁴⁶

TIP "Enough" is whatever works for both of you.

Most people keep masturbating when they are partnered: 91.5% of women in one study did.¹⁸

In a study of 229 people dealing with desire gaps, people used 17 different strategies, including going solo. Strategies done with a partner (talking, closeness, doing something together) were linked with higher sexual and relationship satisfaction than solo strategies.⁴²

TIP Going solo is a perfectly good pressure valve. Pair it with closeness and conversation.

In long-term relationships, desire often shows up after touch and arousal begin, rather than before. Physician Rosemary Basson’s model of sexual response calls this responsive desire, and says it should not be mistaken for a problem.⁴⁷

TIP Low-pressure touch, with no expectation of where it leads, can be the spark.

Mutual masturbation is a safer form of sex, and like any sex it needs everyone’s consent.¹

Watching how your partner touches themselves shows you exactly what they like, and knowing your own responses makes it easier to say what you want.¹²

Only 18.4% of women say intercourse alone is enough for orgasm. 36.6% need clitoral stimulation, and another 36% say orgasms feel better with it.⁴⁸

Women were more likely to orgasm when sex included deep kissing, touching with hands and/or oral sex as well as intercourse. 65% of heterosexual women said they usually or always orgasm when intimate, against 95% of heterosexual men.⁴⁹

TIP It also works when penetration is off the table: pain, erection worries, pregnancy, recovery, or just being tired.

Among 1,291 unmarried people in relationships, nearly half (44.8%) sometimes watched explicit material with their partner. Those who only watched together reported more dedication to the relationship and higher sexual satisfaction than those who only watched alone. People who never watched did best on relationship quality compared with solo watchers; the only difference between never-watchers and together-only watchers was a lower rate of infidelity.⁵⁰

In a study of 430 people in relationships where at least one partner used porn, the most common answer about its effect was "no negative effects". Positive effects (better sexual communication, more experimenting, more comfort) were reported more often than negative ones (unrealistic expectations, less interest in the partner, insecurity).⁵¹

A meta-analysis of 50 studies (more than 50,000 people in 10 countries) found porn use was not linked to personal satisfaction, but was linked to slightly lower relationship and sexual satisfaction for men, not for women.⁵²

TIP Make it a shared choice, talk about what is fantasy and what you want in real life, and check in with each other.

In a national sample of 1,055 women aged 18-94, 18.4% said intercourse alone was enough for orgasm, 36.6% said clitoral stimulation was necessary, and another 36% said orgasms feel better with it.⁴⁸

Women’s preferences for where, how hard, and in what pattern they are touched vary a lot. There is no single right technique.⁴⁸

In a US sample of 52,588 adults, the share who usually or always orgasm when intimate was: heterosexual men 95%, gay men 89%, bisexual men 88%, lesbian women 86%, bisexual women 66%, heterosexual women 65%.⁴⁹

Women who orgasmed more often were more likely to receive more oral sex, have longer sex, ask for what they want, praise their partner, try new positions, act out fantasies and express love during sex.⁴⁹

In a national panel of 3,017 women aged 18-93: 87.5% use "angling" (shifting the hips to change where penetration rubs), about 84% use "shallowing" (gentle, shallow penetration just inside the entrance), about 76% use "rocking" (staying deep and rocking so there is constant clitoral contact) and 69.7% use "pairing" (clitoral touch, by hand or toy, at the same time as penetration). The survey was run with the sexual-wellness company OMGYES and published in a peer-reviewed journal.⁵³

A meta-analysis of 132 lab studies found that physical arousal and how turned-on people say they feel match closely in men (r = .66) but much less in women (r = .26).⁵⁴

TIP So: a body response is never consent, and a slow physical response doesn’t mean she isn’t into it. Ask, listen, and keep lube handy.

42% of Australian women had masturbated in the past year.³¹

In a German study of 425 women, 94.5% had masturbated at some point; the most common frequencies were 2-3 times a week (26.8%) and once a week (26.3%). Half (50.3%) always reached orgasm when masturbating, and 7.6% never did.¹⁸

In a Portuguese survey of 3,687 women, 91% had masturbated at some point and 29.3% in the past month. Only a minority reported feeling shame or guilt about it.¹⁶

In a nationally representative US study, 52.5% of women had used a vibrator. Use was linked with health-promoting habits (like a recent gynaecological check-up) and better sexual function, and side effects were rare.⁵⁵

In Australia, 21% of women used a sex toy in the past year, more than men (15%).³¹

Clean toys after every use. Silicone cleans up better than soft plastic, and a fresh condom on shared toys lowers infection risk.¹³

In Australia, 54% of women have looked at pornography, and 41% of those had done so in the past year.⁵⁷

In a US online sample of 1,392 adults, 60.2% of women had used some form of porn in the past month. Video was the most common format overall, but women were much more likely than men to choose written erotica.⁵⁸

Tastes vary. A study of 206 women found four distinct patterns: broad and varied (39%), traditionally feminine (27%), female-pleasure focused (23%) and rough (11%).⁵⁹

Industry data (not peer-reviewed): Pornhub reports women were 38% of its visitors worldwide in 2024, up from 24% in 2015, and that in 2023 "Lesbian" was the most-viewed category among women.⁵⁶⁶⁰

TIP Women watch, read and listen. There is no wrong way to be turned on.

In Britain’s national survey, 7.5% of sexually active women had painful sex lasting three months or more in the past year; for about a quarter of them it happened very often or always, for six months or more, and caused distress. It was strongly linked with vaginal dryness and anxiety about sex.⁶¹

TIP See your GP, a women’s health physio or a sexual health clinic. Jean Hailes has clear, evidence-based information (see Get help).

We could not find studies on "gooning" as such. In one small study of 23 men in treatment for problem online sex use, sessions lasting several hours, several times a week, were a common pattern.⁶⁵

Long sessions are not a diagnosis. What matters is control, distress and impact: whether you can stop when you want, and whether it is crowding out sleep, work, health or people.³⁶³

TIP Hydrate, take breaks, look after your skin, and keep it a choice rather than a default.

Stop-start (pausing before the point of no return) and similar behavioural techniques are used in sex therapy for premature ejaculation, and international guidelines include behavioural therapy as an option.¹⁷¹

The evidence is modest. A Cochrane review called it "weak and inconsistent", although one trial found behavioural therapy beat a waiting list by about 408 seconds (around 7 minutes) of intercourse time.⁶⁶

A meta-analysis of 15 trials found behavioural training plus medication worked better than medication alone, without extra side effects.⁶⁷

Pelvic floor training appears to help as well.²³

The WHO’s ICD-11 (code 6C72) describes compulsive sexual behaviour disorder as a persistent pattern of failing to control intense, repetitive sexual urges, leading to repeated sexual behaviour over an extended period (for example six months or more) that causes marked distress or real problems in personal, family, social, work or other important parts of life.³⁶³⁷

Not on its own: a high sex drive without loss of control; distress that comes only from moral or religious disapproval; or behaviour caused by a medical condition, a medication or drugs.³⁶

How common? In a US national sample, 10.3% of men and 7.0% of women scored in the clinically concerning range on a screening questionnaire (a screen, not a diagnosis). Across 82,243 people in 42 countries, 4.8% were at high risk, and only 14% of them had ever sought treatment. Experts expect the stricter ICD-11 criteria to give lower numbers, with recent estimates of 1-3%.⁶⁸⁶⁹³⁶

In Australia’s national survey, very few people reported being addicted to porn (4% of men, 1% of women), and about half of those said it had had a bad effect on them.⁵⁷

In four samples of younger men from three European countries, there was little evidence that porn use was linked to erection, orgasm or desire problems.⁷⁰

A 2026 systematic review of 11 studies found mixed results and concluded that simply watching porn is not a significant risk factor for sexual dysfunction. Problematic use, body dissatisfaction and insecurity seemed to matter more than how often people watched.⁷¹

For relationships, porn use showed a small negative link with men’s relationship and sexual satisfaction and no significant link for women (see Couples).⁵²